THE OLD AND THE NEW.

Christmas has gone for one more year,
Too much food and too much beer,
Going to face facts and go on a diet,
Shh don't tell anyone, do it on the quiet.

This morning the hands of the scales did fly,
Dear oh dear we all did cry,
Half a stone ? not really so bad!,
Though I told a porkie, by just a tad.

The resolutions we made on news years eve,
I intend to keep, this year you do believe?,
No more fags outside by the kitchen door,
No more boozey nights rolling round the floor.

I promised the wife that even I,
May even admit her mother can't fly,
No more jokes about her old broomstick,
Try giving her a kiss without being sick.

But most of all and this is a fact,
To try to use just a little more tact,
Not tell the rozzers their still wet behind the ears,
Cuz a night in the cells only causes tears.

So dear friends just try to be,
A little bit kinder to all you see,
After all it really can only be done,
By you, by me, by everyone.

WARNING.Before reading it this joke is a little naughty.

JOKE OF THE DAY.

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one euro.

Murphy said "hang on, I have an idea". he went to the butchers shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said "are you crazy? now we don't have any money left at all". Murphy said "don't worry just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said "now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money".
Murphy replied, with a smile, "don't worry I have a plan, cheers"
They downed their drinks. Murphy said "ok, Ill stick the sausage through my zipper and you go down on your knees and put it in your mouth,"
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy I don't think I can do anymore of this, I'm drunk and my knees are killing me.
Murphy said, "how do you think I feel I lost the sausage in the third pub.

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A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR TO ALL THAT READ THIS BLOG.